The Menagerie

Ch-ch-changes

Sorry for the recent formatting changes.  I was having a hard time reading the past two templates on my laptop screen, and needed something easier.  Time to make a trip to the eye doctor, I'm sure!

Peach Pics: Almost 9 Months!

Peach'll hit her 9 month mark on March 4.  Crazy how fast it's going! I held a three-week preemie (6 pounds) last weekend and could not stop marveling at how teeny he was.  To think 9 months ago Peach was 4 pounds, 12 oz just kept tripping me out.  And my aching shoulder particularly misses those days.  I could heft a 6 pound baby all day, but Peach's 20?  Oy.  I wish I'd done more working out before I delivered her. 

She's still a sweet and easy baby.  Mostly.  But her willfulness is already starting to show, especially when she's sick.  She wants to feed herself most of the time and will get annoyed if we make the mistake of feeding her when she'd rather do it herself.  She wants to crawl -- gets up on her hands and knees and rocks like mad -- but isn't quite there yet, and it drives her crazy.  Oh, the screams, shrieks, and squeals of frustration!  She loves to be pulled to a standing position and is getting stronger and stronger.  She hasn't figured out how to take steps, but she knows she likes being upright.  When we put her down to change her or put her to sleep, she will kick her feet and arch her back and generally express her displeasure.  Fortunately, she's been pretty good about going to bed before 8 at night, and usually sleeps to around 6 am. 

I know, we have it easy there.  But I turn 35 in a couple of weeks, and in May, Matthew will turn 46. At our advanced ages, we need the sleep pretty badly. 

Probably the best thing is the growing level of communication.  First we started with "Hi-Fives" and then pat-a-cake (she would grab my hands).  We taught her to wave, and we were seriously thrilled when a daily report from daycare came back that when one of the dads came in to play with his son, she waved at him.  And in all of the babbling we're starting to get discernable words!  Only two that I recognize so far, and while they're no means consistent, they've happened often enough that I'm pretty confident I know what they mean.  "Ha!" means "Hi!" and she will say it when one of us comes into the room or comes home after an absence.  We'd joked that it would be her first word, because every time we see her, we greet her with "Hi" and the nickname du jour.  Her other word is "Gi," short for "Doggie."

Yes, she LOVES the Malinois.  When she sees him, she lights up and lunges for him.  She pulls fistfuls of his fur and buries her head in his coat.  And Norris, the child-disliking dog that he is?  He takes it.  He licks her head.  And when he's had enough, he leaves. 

The most recent trick is "bounce."  As soon as we had the jumperoo -- before her feet hit the ground -- I would bounce her and repeat the word.  Somewhere along the line, she learned what it meant, and now if I'm holding her in a standing position and say, "bounce," she'll bob up and down. 

Sad Story

Two things:

1.  When I get a migraine, I confuse words, misspell words, and writing is generally more difficult. 
2.  I do a lot of work on child sex abuse cases.

So it's a sad state of affairs when I think to myself, "Man, this is a bad migraine -- I can't remember how to spell 'pedophile.'" 

Sunday, Sunday

I am:

• at the law library;
• working through a huge to-do list that must be done TODAY;
• annoyed that I spilled diet soda down my white t-shirt;
• fighting a migraine;
• without any migraine meds;
• needing to hit Costco before closing;
• not the only one in the library, which somehow annoys me; and
• cranky.

That's all. 

You! Back under the rock!

So remember Ms. Borderline?  She's baaaaack, this time threatening me with all sorts of unpleasantness (like reporting me to the bar) if I don't return her retainer. From 2006.   Never mind that I did the work and that she never paid me for the work I did subsequently, of course.

I know I shouldn't let this bother me, but I thought I was done with all of this chaos.  Add to my list of law school curriculum "fixes" a class on how to deal with crazy clients.

It's those little things

Breaking away from a motion for partial summary judgment to vent:

Do you have any idea how freakin' hard it is to find a pair of red leggings, size 12 months?  I thought with Val's day just wrapped up, it might not be so bad.  But jeez! 

Peach has a number of cute, short-sleeved dresses (many of which are care of law school friend Nikki), which I prefer to put her in for daycare because it tends to be quite warm there -- and it's simple enough to pull off a sweater and/or leggings if she gets overheated.  The ease of changing -- also nice.  I hate snaps. 

I love one of her dresses -- soft jersey material, empire waisted, and blue with red flowers -- but it is impossible to find leggings for.  Black?  For little girls?  Good luck.  Blue? Matching shades is impossible with this particular dress.  And red?  Also impossible.  White is just a disaster waiting to happen. 

I may just have to splurge and get a couple of pairs of Baby Legs.   

***
In other news, the eclipse was visible here.  Yes, actually, this is HUGE news.  Not the most beautiful lunar eclipse I've ever seen, but it's the first darn eclipse I've seen since moving to Oregon 9 years ago.  Every other time, it's been bloody cloudy.  A friend gave us a telescope when we moved here -- and I could only think that it was a cruel, cruel joke on her part.  To go from living in the mountains where we could see the Milky Way from our deck to Washington County, Oregon, where we're lucky to see a dozen stars on a clear night -- it was something of a let down. 

***
The Peach is still sick, coughing in the other room.  Got to run and check on her.

Take no prisoners.

Tonight is the work/life balance panel at the law school. It's always nice to be invited back to speak, and I am very interested in the topic of balance, but did I mention before that there will be a parking place with my name on it?!

My previous post aside, for the past few days, I've been trying to distill my thoughts about balance into a pithy one-liner that attendees can take away.  The best I can come up with is: Don't compromise and never apologize.  What do you think?  It's counterintuitive enough that it might be memorable. 

In any case, I wanted to have something typed up in case I can't remember what it is I want to say (I am a bit on the tired side, since Peach is sick), and figured I might as well post it here. 

Generally:

• Decide what's more important: work or lifestyle. So, either pick a job that suits you and your lifestyle or if the job's more important, then tailor your lifestyle to your job.  If there is dissonance between the two, you can't balance them both. 
• Learn to delegate.  You really can't do it all, so figure out what is important and what is not.   (You can have it all, though - see below.)

About your general sanity:

• Take time every day to tend to your own sanity. Whatever it takes: wake up early for quiet time, do a crossword, hide in the bathtub, take the kids to the sitter and go to yoga.  Put this activity on your schedule as "busy" and honor it like you would a client meeting.  Don't apologize for taking it.  You earn it by everything you do in a day.
• Eat well and sleep well. Exercise.  Don't compromise on this, either.
• Declutter your space and your time.  It will make you more efficient and less stressed.
• Don't go to work sick. 

About extra-curricular activities (church committees, volunteer activities, kids' organizations, etc):

• Conventional wisdom is that to "have it all," you have to compromise: the career for the family or the other way around.  It's the classic "mommy war" scenario.  The more hours you put in at the office, the less involved in little Timmy's Boy Scout troop you can be. 
• I think that's crap.  The way you "have it all" is by being selective about what you do. 
• So, only do the things that are truly important. 
• If it's not critical and you don't want to do it, say "No" and nothing else.
• And by all means, don't apologize for it.

About work:

• Realize that no one is going to give you a gold star just because you show up and do your job.  Don't be obnoxious about it, but make sure the powers that be know how valuable you are to the company/agency. 
• Keep track of everything you do in a day.  Not just billables -- everything you do, even the random favors you do for other employees. Don't judge whether or not you're being good or bad, just write it all down. Keep your own copy of this record somewhere other than the office, because it might come in handy someday. 
• Don't apologize for taking what you're entitled to: sick days, vacation days, FMLA, leave, sabbaticals, volunteer days. 
• Don't make excuses for the times you have to leave early because your kids are sick (or whatever).  Not only does the boss not care about little Emma's sinus infection, he or she really only cares that you get your work done.  Make up the time that night or the next morning or Saturday, and let the boss know you've done that. 
• From time to time, look at your (tracked) schedule to look for ways you could be more efficient. The schedule is also useful if you ever catch crap from bosses about the time you do take for family reasons or the times you don't stay in the office until 2 AM.  Just trot out those daily schedules and explain exactly how it is you are pulling your weight and why they need to back off.  And when you need a favor from someone to whom you've done favors and that person isn't inclined to help out, refresh your (and his) memory with your past (tracked) schedules. 

Minimally Qualified & Other Good News

The first hurdle in applying for federal positions is being deemed "minimally qualified," in order to progress to the next round -- all very reality-show-ish, if you ask me.  Anyway, last night I was delighted to learn from the federal agency to which I'd applied that I am, in fact, minimally qualified for all three pay grades of a particular position.   Whee!

To change topics, if there's a lesson to be learned from my pregnancy/childbirth complications from last year, it's that if I go to a specialist, he or she is bound to find something wrong with me.  Recently, I sent a client to physical therapy, and he had such a rave review that my physician agreed it could help with headaches.  Yesterday I went to my first appointment, and thought it kind of interesting.  There was the determination that one leg is shorter than the other (Matthew says this is chiropractic-like hogwash, but I have noticed one knee is higher than the other) and also that my posture sucks.  Well, I knew my posture sucks, so I'm OK with working on that.  The PT seemed to think that if I improve my posture, eschew sitting on my couch, stop crossing my legs, and hold my head perfectly upright, almost all of my headaches will vanish.  Heck, I'll give it a shot.

Peach started daycare full time this week, and it's been strange not having her around -- but also a good thing for my sanity.  I have blocks of time to finish projects, and even though I'm not getting any more sleep than I did last week, I feel much more rested, calm, and infinitely less frantic. She's having fun, learning new things, and socializing with other babies, and I'm crazy excited to see her at the end of the day. 

We have no big plans for the long weekend, but I'm dying to get out and work in my overgrown and much-neglected garden while the (relative) good weather lasts.  Kind sad to be this excited about the low-mid 50s and sun, but I'll take what I can get. 

Long day made much brighter

The morning started too early, involved a long commute, encompassed 9 depositions  (one in which I swear some of my brain leaked out of my ears), then finally a joyful reunion with Peach and Matthew at daycare, a sushi dinner -- and an even more joyful discovery that my law school's most adorable co-counsel welcomed their baby daughter in the wee hours of the morning. 

And to those in the know, doesn't she really look like her mom?!

Thank God for Costco, or why I can't slice my own fruit

I am the person for whom pre-sliced and packaged fruit and veggies were invented.  It's humiliating to admit, but I am too lazy to clean and slice my own fruits and veggies.  If they aren't ready for me to pick up and eat, then I'll eat something less healthy but requiring no preparation.  If I buy fruits and veggies that require cleaning and slicing?  There's maybe -- maybe -- a 50% chance they'll be prepared, even for dinner.  If it weren't for organic, cleaned salad greens, we'd probably never have salad. 

This extends to water, too. Can you believe this?!  Despite having a number of Nalgene bottles and a fancy fridge with filtered ice and  water, I wondered if I would drink more water if it came in cheap plastic bottles. Go figure -- now I'm drinking close to the recommended amount of water. 

I can't even begin to calculate how much plastic is consumed just because I can't take Henckels to Pink Lady. 

In my own defense, I don't necessarily think it's sloth.  I don't use mixes for corn bread or pancakes or waffles (although I will for cakes) and I have to make my own vinaigrette for those salads made with pre-packaged greens.  I like to cook -- I just don't like to prep snacks. 

I'm it -- and now you are, too.

The delightful Yin has tagged me with this meme:

Here's the tag:

1. Pick up the nearest book (one of at least 123 pages)

2. Open the page to 123

3. Find the 5th sentence.

4. Post the next 3 sentences

5. Tag 5 people.

Here's mine, from Ian Toll's Six Frigates: the Epic History of the Founding of the U.S. Navy.

More to the point, L'Insurgente was nearly 30 percent lighter than Constellation by tonnage, and she carried 12-pounders as her main battery of weapons, whereas the Constellation carried 24s.  By any objective measure the price was of lesser force than the Constellation.  But Truxtun and his officers employed a combination of bluster and obfuscation to convince their countrymen (and perhaps themselves) that the Constellation had triumphed over a more powerful opponent.

Because I am such a naval history nerd, I have to explain.  Back in the day, all "civilized" countries (yes, that's tongue in cheek) engaged in prize taking, where naval vessels (or civilian vessels carrying letters of marque) could capture enemy ships, and the officers and crew would share in the profit of the ship after she and the cargo were auctioned off.  Before that could happen, though, an admiralty court had to declare that the prize was lawfully taken.  Also, because it's not sporting, even for America, for larger ships to prey on smaller ones, whenever a ship took a less powerful opponent, half of the profits would go to a sailors' disability fund.  In case you're dying to find out what happens, Truxtun  gets busted, to a certain degree, and accepts a smaller valuation -- though still getting $8000 as his share (about $2 million today).  Reading this bit made me slightly less likely to pick up his bio in the TBR pile.

In digging up links for this post, I just discovered that the Constellation I climbed about in the mid-80s wasn't the rebuilt original, whatever the city of Baltimore said at the time.  Damn you, Baltimore. 

My major paper in law school was arguing that the marque and reprisal clause should be resuscitated and used to combat internet piracy.  Oh, it'd be glorious!

I tag: brother Phil, who is blog-less but not Facebook-less, Collateral Evidence, Isaac (I am curious to know what book Mr. Lacquedem has closest at hand!), The Q, and Stephen Fry (who does not read this blog, but it makes me giddy to link to him).    

Quick and dirty catch up

Tired.  Headache.  Thankfully not sick.  A day behind on returning phone calls and emails. 

Peach started daycare (I can't keep calling it "school" in conversation, so I'm giving it up for good) full time today - I'd just gotten used to having her gone two days each week, and now it's up to five!  I was thinking we'd be waiting another 20 months for the bump up to full time. 

It's very strange, and I keep having to stop myself from listening to see if she's crying.  By all reports, she's enjoying daycare, and according to the notes sent home today, she "explored oats" by playing inside a container full of oats.  It's great for me to read the daily reports (including when she wet/pooped, ate, and how much), and it's nice for Matthew, because Peach is just down the hall from his office. 

She's feeling fine, but still has a cough  I have a humidifier in her room (which joins the air purifier), which is also helping. 

Did I mention that she's now 19 pounds 7 oz? I put her in 12 month outfits (Carter's) and 12-18 months in Old Navy.  Crazy, that. 

I'm still doing contract work and still looking for a full-time job.  I do have to say that it's much less stressful looking for a job with 2.5 years experience as a lawyer than it would have been with zero experience as a lawyer...but it's still looking for a job, which is never that much fun. 

Random trivia to fill the rest of the space: I have been decluttering my house, from my desks (I have two) to my living room to my bedroom to my refrigerator.  It helps.  I have been cooking at home quite a bit.  I've become a coupon queen in my quest for cheaper formula and diapers.  I am excited that we are only a couple of weeks away from Peach being able to have the marginally less expensive 9-24 month formula. 

Falling asleep at the keyboard, so that's all for now.

How not to spend a Saturday night from midnight 'til 4:45 am

In the ER with your daughter, who has a nasty, croupy cough.  Good times.  She's fine (although sick) and sleeping with the aid of a steroid shot, Motrin, Tylenol, and a humidifier (all purchased around 5 am this morning - thank you 24-hour Rite Aid) although Matthew and I are seriously wiped out. 

Off to dreamland here.  Ciao.

8 months already

It's crazy how fast time passes now.  I'm still confused that it's winter -- shouldn't we be in August right now, maybe September? 

In any case, Peach continues to grow and grow. She turned 8 months today!  I can't believe it's been so long -- or that it's been so fast.  I just packed up some of her gender-neutral preemie clothing for a neighbor, whose son and daughter in law just had a 5 pounder.  I kept looking at these itty bitty clothes that were just immense on her during her first weeks of life.  She's gone from 4 lbs to 19 lbs, 19 inches to 27 inches, <3 percentile to 70th.  It's nuts. 

In the last week, she's become a different baby.  She's almost crawling -- up on her hands and knees and rocking -- although she still rolls around the room to get where she needs to go. She loves to play "up," where she holds my fingers and I pull her up (but have been letting her do an increasing amount of work) to her feet.  She's nowhere near steady, but likes to look around. 

What I'm loving the most is the communication.  I'd taught her "Pat-a-Cake" -- if I put my hands up, she would put her hands to mine.  But now she's clapping, babbling, waving when we wave (I'm such a lawyer that I had to type "waive" twice before I realized that wasn't the right word), and we're working on Mama.  (Her babbling inflections sound like language, but nothing close to English.)  We've had hand signals for "I'm hungry" for over a month (she puts both of her hands together in front of her chest, then brings them up to her mouth over and over), but now there are signals for "pick me up" and "pull me up." 

Still no teeth, although it doesn't stop her from gumming up a storm.  She doesn't like Cheerios yet, although Matthew and I do, so we're going through Costco-sized boxes every two weeks.  She can eat the most revolting baby food -- pureed spinach and potatoes with no seasoning?  Blech -- but makes faces at fruits. 

Although she's under the weight limit for the papsan chair and swing, she became much to wiggly for either (besides, she's too long).   We got an amazing amount of use from them both, and I'm still in friend Nikki's debt for the sanity they've saved.

Peach loves -- and I mean loves -- her Magic Mozart Cube.  I'm absolutely sick of the tunes, but it's charming watching her study it and turn the instruments on and off.   

And amazingly -- she has an honest-to-god nursery now, and she sleeps in her crib.  Yes, we finally converted the den to a nursery and the living room to a den.  I've got one more piece of furniture to finish painting (it's been so darn cold in the garage) and then the nursery is absolutely, completely done.

However, even though she has a nursery and sleeps in her crib, I'm still not getting enough sleep -- and it's really showing right now.  I'd best head off to bed myself. 

Me, balanced?

I've been asked to participate in a Work/Life Balance panel put on by the Women's Law Caucus at my law school.  While flattered to have been asked (my mentee from last year, now a pregnant 2L herself, nominated me), I am at quite a loss for what to say.  My first reaction to the email was to laugh, because I am the last person to think of myself as balancing work and life with any degree of grace.  (I said something like, "If balancing means frantically rushing to get it all done, sure, I'll be there.")  And since not having all the answers has never stopped me from giving opinions before, I accepted.

These are the points I'm thinking about making, some of which were gleaned from the Nice Girls book read we did a while back.  Any thoughts or suggestions are very much welcomed!

1. Put yourself in the top two of your priority list.  If you can't manage number 1 (which, for women, tends to be family or work), then put yourself at number 2 - but no lower than that.   I am truly awful here, and I feel that if I could just push myself up into number 2 -- or heck, even just past "housekeeping," I'd be a lot happier.  Everything tends to fall ahead of myself.  Here's an example -- trite, sure, but a common one for me:
   

   Every other Thursday afternoon, T comes to do the major housekeeping -- the bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming, all the floors.  Every Wednesday night (and Thursday morning), I spend a good 2-3 hours getting everything put up, the trashes out, the dishes done, and the clutter stashed, all so that she can clean.  I do this no matter how tired I am, no matter how busy I am, and no matter what I have on my plate for Thursday.  I do this because I don't want T to quit and because she can clean a lot more effectively (and deeply) if our crap isn't in her way.

   Matthew, on the other hand, goes to sleep at his usual time.  I stay up a couple of extra hours and am extremely cranky and resentful by the end of it.

   What SHOULD happen?  I should go to bed on time and skip out on the resentment and annoyance factor.   The consequences?  The house wouldn't get as clean, maybe.  Worth it?   I'll give it a go this week and see what happens. 

   What do I want to be doing with free time?  Reading, or playing the cello, or running.  Not laundry, not trash, and not housekeeping.

2. Just say no in your personal life. This is a lesson I learned from my friend Robyn.  Every time I would complain to her about something I 'just had' to do, she would ask, "So what would happen if you said no?"  Slowly (over the course of years), it dawned on me that you know what?  Not only does nothing bad generally happen if you don't go to the game, or don't stay late, or don't visit family when you're supposed to -- but often it reinforces your own boundaries.  You can say "No, thanks" and you're not obliged to tell anyone why.
   
   Robyn should be proud of me, because I've caught myself giving this advice to other members of my family recently!
   
   Say I've asked two people out for a drink after work and those two people say:
   

   Person 1: "Thanks, but I'm just not feeling like it today." 
   Person 2: "Oh, I'd love to!  But my husband is working late tonight, and I have to pick up the kids at day care, and then little Johnny has violin lessons, and..."

   I don't know about you, but not only do I not have any drinking buddies, I've lost a small amount of respect for Person 2.  Do I really care why someone can't make it?  Does a list of excuses soften the blow?  No, it just makes Person 2 seem kinda whiny. 

   The take home lesson, though, is that Person 1 can go home and do whatever it was they were going to do without guilt -- and without rushing to catch up with the rest of their life just to oblige someone on a non-critical invite. 

3. Just day no in your work life. It's neither good nor bad, but people at work will pile as much on you as you're willing to take, unless you set boundaries.  They may pile the work on you because you're very good at it, or they may pile the work on you because it's boring for them to do, or they may pile the work on you because they're lazy.  The reason doesn't matter.  What matters is that you set boundaries. 
   
   You don't (and shouldn't) have to be a bitch here,  particularly because being female in a corporate world is already a balancing act.  (The unfortunate definition of a bitch at work = acting like a man)  What you can say is, "Oh, that does sound like an interesting project.  I'm working on this project right now, and I could get to it [tomorrow, next week -- whatever is realistic]. Let me know then if you'd like me to work on it."  And then get back to what it was you were doing.  If you feel strongly about it (or suspect this could be used against you in the future), follow up with an email you keep for your records.  But do get this point across, because this accomplishes four things:
   

   a) Shows the other person that you're busy.
   b) Shows the other person you're not a dormat.
   c) Reinforces to the other person that you're helpful and considerate.
   d) Puts the ball back in their court to get back to you. 

4. Make time to have fun. This is related to putting yourself at the top of your priority list, but isn't the same thing.  Schedule -- if you have to -- time during the week as well as on the weekend to have fun. At least two fun things!  This could be whatever -- bubblebath and a book, a lunch with friends, a day hike -- anything that you find fun.  And keep these dates the same way you'd keep a business lunch and with the same urgency. 
   
5. Take walks during your day.  This is one of those things that I've always been good about, no matter what job I was doing (from answering phones to writing a romance novel to law school).  The fact is, I work very well in short bursts.  I'm efficient and very fast. I naturally speed read.  However, I have to break at least once an hour to do something -- get up and get a drink, chat on the phone -- something.  Otherwise, the quality of my work starts to degrade and my mind wanders.  If I force myself to sit in one place and keep plugging away, I end up wasting huge amounts of time as I struggle to concentrate.  Is this ADHD?  I dunno - it just is the way I am.
   
   But the good news: I have found that if I get up and take a walk in the morning and a walk in the afternoon during an average work day, I get much, much more accomplished.  They don't have to be long walks -- say 10 minutes each -- but just getting out of the building and getting away from the work means I can dive back into it.  My best walks were at a jobsite not far from my house in Orenco (when we lived there), where I would often see lots and lots of red-winged blackbirds, ducks, and geese in a small wetland.
   
   I have taken a lot of crap for these breaks, by the way, over the course of my working life, and have given the crap right back.  It makes me work better, and if you want me to work better?  Let me take my walks.
   
6. Know your limitations.  Mostly I mean time limitations.  Take a week and keep track of everything you do in a day (and I mean everything).  The point isn't to judge yourself, but just to see where the time is going, and to find out if there are some things you can pass off to others to make time for yourself.  Put everything -- and I mean EVERYTHING -- on your online or paper schedule, from picking up the kids at daycare to lunch, to dinner, to grocery shopping.  Be realistic about where your time is going.  Then...don't take anything new on for a whole month. Do what you absolutely have to (kids, dishes, laundry, eating) and what you want to (hobbies, games, exercise).
   
   The world won't end - really.  I'm guessing that without the influx of new stuff to accomplish, you'll find you have more and more time for what you really want to do, and less for the "have to."  At the end of the month, you'll have a much better sense of your time and what it can and can't fit into it.  And when you start considering accepting new tasks onto your schedule, you'll find you have a better idea of how limited your time is -- and how jealously you guard your personal free time.